Breastfeeding journey – Sad

I’m sad….

 I have breastfeeding my Little Smurf for 7 months…I still have EBM that can last to his 8 months.

Planning to drop the pumping session and gradually stop breastfeeding.

But thinking of it, make me so sad… I’m tearing when I’m blogging about this.

I have a tough journey breastfeeding. After gave birth to Little Smurf, is my fault as well.

I didn’t well prepare, I didn’t study or research anything about BF.

First, I thought, BF was so nothing big deal, just let baby to latch!

Second, after heard so many comments from friends, doesn’t mean I will have MILK!!

Therefore, I didn’t do any research on BF, so gung ho about it.

I didn’t even buy breast pump, I just loan it from a good friend.

After gave birth, I let him latched on the second day. First day, I was so tired, till unable to move.

It was pain, nothing wrong with his latch. Just I was not use to it. Hubby bought ‘Lansinoh’ to help.

Then I found, even after feed, Little Smurf still crying or he always fell slept in my arm!!

There go, I have no enough rest. And Little Smurf was having jaundice, admitted to hospital for 3 times.

Then I thought I have enough milk, I dropped formula milk (FM).

Ended up, Little Smurf was under weight!!

Finally, no choice, I went to visit Dr. Koe, guided me again on latching, top up FM to gain Little Smurf’s weight and put me on Domperidone for 1 month to help boost up my supply. In between, hubby was really helpful to boil papaya fish soup, red bean soup, fenugreek soup, and so on.

My supply, stil so so, I was struggling with my EBM. Little Smurf is drinking more. When I was producing 2oz, his intake was 3oz. When I just reached 3oz, his intake was 4oz. I never has chance to reach the demand=supply. And I don’t feel engorgement.

I still woke up and pumped 2 times at midnight, trying my best to meet the demand. And during the 3rd month, I can’t help it, I bought Medela Freestyle to help out. It was not the first pump I bought! The pump that my friend loaned to me was out of order, due to the motor faulty. Changed it, but I scare to use. While waiting for it to be fixed, I bought Avent breast pump- manual. Wah, is good but my hand was so tiring! And it took 1 hour for each session!!

That’s why I invested Medela freestyle on the 3rd months. It fasten the process… but still unable to catch up the demand. I joined the TBAN in Facebook added by Rem, a lot of encouragements from there, advices given, helps, tips.. but still can’t meet the demand. Till Rem did research for me and share with me ‘goat’s rue’. Mother love ‘goat’s rue’ help, I finally felt the engorgement. Still working hard to store up EBM !! Tension and tension!!!

Tried pump every 2 hours, didn’t manage to increase the milk supply.

Then Kristy shared with me ‘power pump’ and another method. What is ‘power pump’? Mean you pump 10 min, rest 10 min and repeat it for 3 times. It helps, it increased. And the another method to help out, I got relief!! My EBM enough to supply to Little Smurf, slowly I dropped FM from 3 to 2, 2 to 1, and no more FM!!

Why no FM? Cause enough, rushing to finish EBM in the freezer before the EBM expired!!

Little Smurf was on exclusive BF in 4 months!!

 Looking back my bf journey, it was tough, every drop is golden liquid for me. I cried when I accidentally spilled my milk!!

Now, thinking to drop pumping session in office due to heavy workload and unable to have fix time pumping make me so sad! I just feel so down and so so sad. After trying so hard, now I’m letting it go.

 Thinking soon will need to stop bf also make me feel so guilty. I’m removing golden liquid from Little Smurf…

 I don’t know what to do, I’m so sad


About berrymelon1437101

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3 Responses to Breastfeeding journey – Sad

  1. nileey says:

    Hi dear, I’m from TBAN too. I read your post and feel sad too. I’m wondering if you are able to make an arrangement to pump a certain time. Is every 4 – 5 hours pump once reasonable for your boss? The other way is to ask for donated EBM should you really want your bb to be on BM until 1 year old.

    Dón’t feel disheartened if it really doesn’t work out, you have tried your very best 🙂

    • berrymelon1437101 says:


      Thank you very much for your comfort. I’m trying now.. Previously I pump at 11am and 5pm. Now, I only pump at 2pm and back home at around 7pm. So I hope this work. By the way, how you find my blog?? Who are you in TBAN?

      • nileey says:

        Try to be consistent in your pumping, say 5 hours gap. your output should’n’t reduce a lot, but may not increase too…just the same amount. this is what I do now too and it works for me.

        you left your blog url on Corra’s post some time ago.

        you can find me on TBAN, I shared on of my post and photo there recently. we even met last year at the TBAN gathering in Ken D’sara 🙂

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